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Why ​porn is to blame for young women having bad sex

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Now, illness we all have that “one friend.” On the same note we have all been that “friend.” So try to see the following comments as a dramatization and not as a roast session.

that friend

We all have a girl friend that does detoxes and cleanses when she’s gained an extra two stone from eating fast food, more about chain smoking, and drinking. Yeah, the girl you catch three days into her “abstinence from all that is impure” with a drink in her hand, calling multiple guys, and eating potato chips. She leaves a trail of perpetual disorganization and forgetfulness behind her no matter where she goes. She asks you for tampons and she would ask you for condoms… but she doesn’t use them. She’s had a series of poor relationships and “hook-ups” which has as consistent  a history as racism in America, and she never ceases to amaze you in the ways she neglects herself, her family, and you as a result.

phoebe friendss

What do you do though? She was there during your “moment.” Only now she is having a moment that is reminiscent of Britney Spears circa 2007. We all saw how bad that got and none of us were in her circle… Nonetheless what kind of a girl would you be if you abandoned her? What kind of human would you be if you didn’t stand up for yourself? Don’t worry I am here for you! Keep reading to figure out five ways to deal with your own personal Lindsay Lohan.

  1. Don’t tell her how to adult if you don’t have it together all the time either.

I know you hate it when she (fill in the blank). It is unbearable when she forgets to (same story). Listen, she was there for you during your dark night of the soul and she wasn’t there nagging and preaching. She provided support, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to go out with. So don’t tell your friend how to adult if you don’t know how to 24/7.

  1. Lead by example.

If you want her to do her laundry, pick up after herself, organize her stuff then you need to do it first.

*You get brownie points if you do it in front of her and it sparks her inspiration.*

Invite her to go on walks with you, invite her to go to the bookstore, invite her to go to Whole Foods! Let her come along with you during your daily routines and let your stability help her.

  1.  Get a second opinion.

We do it when we go to the doctor. Don’t be confrontational and add negative energy to the situation when you don’t know if you are just being hypersensitive. Make sure if you do the next step you are not going to her with misguided and misinterpreted “social diagnosis.” I recommend the old and wise people in your life (e.g. your rents).

Girl you better get your life

  1. Let her know what’s up.

If you don’t sit down and communicate you’ll never know what’s really going on. Talking it out also gives you a chance to interchange perspectives. Truth be told you cannot expect your friend to see her situation the way you see it. So with empathy tell her how you feel and listen. Don’t just tell her about herself, present her with solutions. You wouldn’t want someone to sit you down and explain every form of self sabotage you’ve exhibited. Now specifics on how to do the sit down are a completely different article in and of itself.

*The circumstances are completely different if depression, self harm, or if your friend has endured any form of abuse.*

  1. Fall back.

If you have tried everything on this list  and you still see no improvement then start removing your energy from the situation. If you’ve given your friend resources and honest feedback on the situation as well as solutions and she is still choosing to exhibit self defeating actions you don’t have to share an environment with her.  Be there to support her from a distance and have compassion for yourself in recognizing when a relationship is no longer productive.

Being a good friend does not mean forgoing yourself or being a doormat. Now pick yourself up or share this article with a friend who needs it. Also if you are reading this because you have a friend that is to awkward to tell you this to your face, be receptive. Overall the situation should be about assisting your friend not attacking them. This is a delicate situation. Respect the energy of yourself and all the parties involved.

Resources for any of the following:

Self Harm/Mental Health 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse 1-877-856-4140

Domestic Abuse 1-800-799-7233

Sexual Assault 1-800-656-4673

Written by Tiff Jai

Tiff Jai is an African American creative visionary, Complimentary and Alternative Medicine student, and Youtuber. She discusses everything from current events to how to enhance personal health, relationships, and ones quality of life. This bleeding heart is all about creating content that embodies her visions and doing so in a way that fosters critical thinking to make the world a better place.

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, & WordPress: ienakuxi
Now, this we all have that “one friend.” On the same note we have all been that “friend.” So try to see the following comments as a dramatization and not as a roast session.

We all have a girl friend that does detoxes and cleanses when she’s gained an extra two stone from eating fast food, more about chain smoking, viagra approved and drinking. Yeah, the girl you catch three days into her “abstinence from all that is impure” with a drink in her hand, calling multiple guys, and eating potato chips. She leaves a trail of perpetual disorganization and forgetfulness behind her no matter where she goes. She asks you for tampons and she would ask you for condoms… but she doesn’t use them. She’s had a series of poor relationships and “hook-ups” which has as consistent  a history as racism in America, and she never ceases to amaze you in the ways she neglects herself, her family, and you as a result.that friend

What do you do though? She was there during your “moment.” Only now she is having a moment that is reminiscent of Britney Spears circa 2007. We all saw how bad that got and none of us were in her circle… Nonetheless what kind of a girl would you be if you abandoned her? What kind of human would you be if you didn’t stand up for yourself? Don’t worry I am here for you! Keep reading to figure out five ways to deal with your own personal Lindsay Lohan.

phoebe friendssDon’t tell her how to adult if you don’t have it together all the time either.

I know you hate it when she (fill in the blank). It is unbearable when she forgets to (same story). Listen, she was there for you during your dark night of the soul and she wasn’t there nagging and preaching. She provided support, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to go out with. So don’t tell your friend how to adult if you don’t know how to 24/7.

Lead by example.

If you want her to do her laundry, pick up after herself, organize her stuff then you need to do it first.

*You get brownie points if you do it in front of her and it sparks her inspiration.*

Invite her to go on walks with you, invite her to go to the bookstore, invite her to go to Whole Foods! Let her come along with you during your daily routines and let your stability help her.

Get a second opinion.

We do it when we go to the doctor. Don’t be confrontational and add negative energy to the situation when you don’t know if you are just being hypersensitive. Make sure if you do the next step you are not going to her with misguided and misinterpreted “social diagnosis.” I recommend the old and wise people in your life (e.g. your rents).

Girl you better get your life

Let her know what’s up.

If you don’t sit down and communicate you’ll never know what’s really going on. Talking it out also gives you a chance to interchange perspectives. Truth be told you cannot expect your friend to see her situation the way you see it. So with empathy tell her how you feel and listen. Don’t just tell her about herself, present her with solutions. You wouldn’t want someone to sit you down and explain every form of self sabotage you’ve exhibited. Now specifics on how to do the sit down are a completely different article in and of itself.

*The circumstances are completely different if depression, self harm, or if your friend has endured any form of abuse.*

Fall back.

If you have tried everything on this list  and you still see no improvement then start removing your energy from the situation. If you’ve given your friend resources and honest feedback on the situation as well as solutions and she is still choosing to exhibit self defeating actions you don’t have to share an environment with her.  Be there to support her from a distance and have compassion for yourself in recognizing when a relationship is no longer productive.

Being a good friend does not mean forgoing yourself or being a doormat. Now pick yourself up or share this article with a friend who needs it. Also if you are reading this because you have a friend that is to awkward to tell you this to your face, be receptive. Overall the situation should be about assisting your friend not attacking them. This is a delicate situation. Respect the energy of yourself and all the parties involved.

Resources for any of the following:

Self Harm/Mental Health 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse 1-877-856-4140

Domestic Abuse 1-800-799-7233

Sexual Assault 1-800-656-4673

Written by Tiff Jai

Tiff Jai is an African American creative visionary, Complimentary and Alternative Medicine student, and Youtuber. She discusses everything from current events to how to enhance personal health, relationships, and ones quality of life. This bleeding heart is all about creating content that embodies her visions and doing so in a way that fosters critical thinking to make the world a better place.

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, & WordPress: ienakuxi
Now, information pills we all have that “one friend.” On the same note we have all been that “friend.” So try to see the following comments as a dramatization and not as a roast session.

We all have a girl friend that does detoxes and cleanses when she’s gained an extra two stone from eating fast food, cheap chain smoking, and drinking. Yeah, the girl you catch three days into her “abstinence from all that is impure” with a drink in her hand, calling multiple guys, and eating potato chips. She leaves a trail of perpetual disorganization and forgetfulness behind her no matter where she goes. She asks you for tampons and she would ask you for condoms… but she doesn’t use them. She’s had a series of poor relationships and “hook-ups” which has as consistent  a history as racism in America, and she never ceases to amaze you in the ways she neglects herself, her family, and you as a result.that friend

What do you do though? She was there during your “moment.” Only now she is having a moment that is reminiscent of Britney Spears circa 2007. We all saw how bad that got and none of us were in her circle… Nonetheless what kind of a girl would you be if you abandoned her? What kind of human would you be if you didn’t stand up for yourself? Don’t worry I am here for you! Keep reading to figure out five ways to deal with your own personal Lindsay Lohan.

phoebe friendss

  1. Don’t tell her how to adult if you don’t have it together all the time either.

I know you hate it when she (fill in the blank). It is unbearable when she forgets to (same story). Listen, she was there for you during your dark night of the soul and she wasn’t there nagging and preaching. She provided support, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to go out with. So don’t tell your friend how to adult if you don’t know how to 24/7.

  1. Lead by example.

If you want her to do her laundry, pick up after herself, organize her stuff then you need to do it first.

*You get brownie points if you do it in front of her and it sparks her inspiration.*

Invite her to go on walks with you, invite her to go to the bookstore, invite her to go to Whole Foods! Let her come along with you during your daily routines and let your stability help her.

  1.  Get a second opinion.

We do it when we go to the doctor. Don’t be confrontational and add negative energy to the situation when you don’t know if you are just being hypersensitive. Make sure if you do the next step you are not going to her with misguided and misinterpreted “social diagnosis.” I recommend the old and wise people in your life (e.g. your rents).

Girl you better get your life

  1. Let her know what’s up.

If you don’t sit down and communicate you’ll never know what’s really going on. Talking it out also gives you a chance to interchange perspectives. Truth be told you cannot expect your friend to see her situation the way you see it. So with empathy tell her how you feel and listen. Don’t just tell her about herself, present her with solutions. You wouldn’t want someone to sit you down and explain every form of self sabotage you’ve exhibited. Now specifics on how to do the sit down are a completely different article in and of itself.

*The circumstances are completely different if depression, self harm, or if your friend has endured any form of abuse.*

  1. Fall back.

If you have tried everything on this list  and you still see no improvement then start removing your energy from the situation. If you’ve given your friend resources and honest feedback on the situation as well as solutions and she is still choosing to exhibit self defeating actions you don’t have to share an environment with her.  Be there to support her from a distance and have compassion for yourself in recognizing when a relationship is no longer productive.

Being a good friend does not mean forgoing yourself or being a doormat. Now pick yourself up or share this article with a friend who needs it. Also if you are reading this because you have a friend that is to awkward to tell you this to your face, be receptive. Overall the situation should be about assisting your friend not attacking them. This is a delicate situation. Respect the energy of yourself and all the parties involved.

Resources for any of the following:

Self Harm/Mental Health 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse 1-877-856-4140

Domestic Abuse 1-800-799-7233

Sexual Assault 1-800-656-4673

Written by Tiff Jai

Tiff Jai is an African American creative visionary, Complimentary and Alternative Medicine student, and Youtuber. She discusses everything from current events to how to enhance personal health, relationships, and ones quality of life. This bleeding heart is all about creating content that embodies her visions and doing so in a way that fosters critical thinking to make the world a better place.

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, & WordPress: ienakuxi
Now, viagra order we all have that “one friend.” On the same note we have all been that “friend.” So try to see the following comments as a dramatization and not as a roast session.

We all have a girl friend that does detoxes and cleanses when she’s gained an extra two stone from eating fast food, more about and drinking. Yeah, the girl you catch three days into her “abstinence from all that is impure” with a drink in her hand, calling multiple guys, and eating potato chips. She leaves a trail of perpetual disorganization and forgetfulness behind her no matter where she goes. She asks you for tampons and she would ask you for condoms… but she doesn’t use them. She’s had a series of poor relationships and “hook-ups” which has as consistent  a history as racism in America, and she never ceases to amaze you in the ways she neglects herself, her family, and you as a result.that friend

What do you do though? She was there during your “moment.” Only now she is having a moment that is reminiscent of Britney Spears circa 2007. We all saw how bad that got and none of us were in her circle… Nonetheless what kind of a girl would you be if you abandoned her? What kind of human would you be if you didn’t stand up for yourself? Don’t worry I am here for you! Keep reading to figure out five ways to deal with your own personal Lindsay Lohan.

phoebe friendss

  1. Don’t tell her how to adult if you don’t have it together all the time either.

I know you hate it when she (fill in the blank). It is unbearable when she forgets to (same story). Listen, she was there for you during your dark night of the soul and she wasn’t there nagging and preaching. She provided support, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to go out with. So don’t tell your friend how to adult if you don’t know how to 24/7.

  1. Lead by example.

If you want her to do her laundry, pick up after herself, organize her stuff then you need to do it first.

*You get brownie points if you do it in front of her and it sparks her inspiration.*

Invite her to go on walks with you, invite her to go to the bookstore, invite her to go to Whole Foods! Let her come along with you during your daily routines and let your stability help her.

  1.  Get a second opinion.

We do it when we go to the doctor. Don’t be confrontational and add negative energy to the situation when you don’t know if you are just being hypersensitive. Make sure if you do the next step you are not going to her with misguided and misinterpreted “social diagnosis.” I recommend the old and wise people in your life (e.g. your rents).

Girl you better get your life

  1. Let her know what’s up.

If you don’t sit down and communicate you’ll never know what’s really going on. Talking it out also gives you a chance to interchange perspectives. Truth be told you cannot expect your friend to see her situation the way you see it. So with empathy tell her how you feel and listen. Don’t just tell her about herself, present her with solutions. You wouldn’t want someone to sit you down and explain every form of self sabotage you’ve exhibited. Now specifics on how to do the sit down are a completely different article in and of itself.

*The circumstances are completely different if depression, self harm, or if your friend has endured any form of abuse.*

  1. Fall back.

If you have tried everything on this list  and you still see no improvement then start removing your energy from the situation. If you’ve given your friend resources and honest feedback on the situation as well as solutions and she is still choosing to exhibit self defeating actions you don’t have to share an environment with her.  Be there to support her from a distance and have compassion for yourself in recognizing when a relationship is no longer productive.

Being a good friend does not mean forgoing yourself or being a doormat. Now pick yourself up or share this article with a friend who needs it. Also if you are reading this because you have a friend that is to awkward to tell you this to your face, be receptive. Overall the situation should be about assisting your friend not attacking them. This is a delicate situation. Respect the energy of yourself and all the parties involved.

Resources for any of the following:

Self Harm/Mental Health 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse 1-877-856-4140

Domestic Abuse 1-800-799-7233

Sexual Assault 1-800-656-4673

Written by Tiff Jai

Tiff Jai is an African American creative visionary, Complimentary and Alternative Medicine student, and Youtuber. She discusses everything from current events to how to enhance personal health, relationships, and ones quality of life. This bleeding heart is all about creating content that embodies her visions and doing so in a way that fosters critical thinking to make the world a better place.

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, & WordPress: ienakuxi
After a long joint reign of 17 years with Pierpaolo Piccioli, cheapest Maria Grazia Chiuri stepped down and made history as the first-ever female creative director of Dior. Chiuri may have made progression in this factor yet declined in her show. The talk of her first collection was the memorable and political t-shirt with a “We Should All Be Feminists” motif. Out of 64 looks, sickness only 9 of the models were that of colour. Combined with the past controversy at Valentino and her vocal standpoint on female equality, ed her failure to include more than 10 women of colour, is ironic. Due to the lacklustre of commentary on such issues, with many claiming, “Oh fashion, when will you learn”, clearly states that the matter of diversity and cultural appropriation has become so common placed within the industry that its almost swept under the rug.

Diversity in Fashion 3

Valentino Spring 2016

Rarely is it that a brand can go past the point of cultural appropriation and find themselves in the realm of racial insensitivity, however, this was the exact case for the SS16 collection from Valentino. As images began to emerge online, Valentino official accounts, on multiple social media platforms, began to describe the collection as “Tribal” and “Primitive”, the brand instantaneously came under fire. Showcasing women in dreadlocks and african inspired dress, only to include 9 models of colour out of the extensive 90 looks that were shown. It was a widespread question amongst many, at how Valentino, claimed to pay homage to African culture, yet did so with a predominantly white cast.  It is a prime example of what has been occurring for centuries and unfortunately will continue to in the future, and that is taking credit for someone else’s culture and in the process denying the creators involvement, the definition of cultural appropriation.

diversity in fashion 2

Valentino Spring 2016

After images of Marc Jacobs SS17 collection surfaced online, Jacobs immediately faced cultural appropriation claims. As dreadlocks are solely affiliated with black culture, therefore due to Jacobs only using 8 out of 52 models, being black the controversy arose instantly. Jacobs was quick to retaliate to claims of racism stating he doesn’t see colour, a remark also made by Demna Gvaslia for Vetements. Not only failing to defend his creativity Jacobs caused, even more, uproar with his statement that when women of colour straighten their hair, it isn’t called cultural appropriation, failing to recognise how ethnic hair has been and will continue to be described as “unprofessional” and “unclean” within many hierarchy workplaces.

diversity in fashion

Balenciaga’s AW 2016

Demna Gvaslia has stated that Vetements is essentially a well executed mix of goth and hip hop, which is instantly recognisable with the exaggerated silhouettes and proportions and the attitude and body language of the models included. Claiming that “It is the attitude of those girls”, is the tipping point on who walks for Vetements, Gvaslia has appointed himself a difficult task of explaining how no coloured model posses this attitude he speaks so highly of, yet Gvaslia nor the brands have faced any backlash. No one has boycotted the brand, or at least done so effectively as to change the mind of Gvaslia, rather celebrated his forward vision and dismissed his backwards outlook on diversity. Ultimately the discussion of diversity and cultural appropriation, is only promoting these collections further, granted in a negative light, yet the backlash has been so minimal that the possibility of “failure of inclusion” being a PR stunt, has become reality.

Balenciaga

Demna Gvasalia’s Balenciaga’s Autumn Winter ’16 Show casting

With an influx of white-washed shows and lack of cultural recognition and representation, is it all a ploy to get us talking. With Chiuri being more than just a one-time offender and Gvaslia assuming the politically correct rule, applies to neither Vetements nor Balenciaga, has the industry been set on a decline. Debatable amongst many levels, the seemingly correct answer is yes. All down to one’s outlook and perception of the industry, the 80% figure of white models in fashion week, may not seem as shocking as many can challenge the industry’s failure to represent and include diverse body shapes in the past, neglecting to realise that the issue goes deeper. Taking inspiration is one thing, but constructing an entire collection based upon one culture or group and ignoring to recognise its origins is a form of discrimination amongst its creators. Picking and choosing the features that appeal, such as dreadlocks and plethoric lips, only to place them upon an ostensibly white canvas, reinforces the ideology that has been misconstrued and taught for generations, that white is superior. It has not been direct in approach, however, the inability of the academic system to include influencers, leaders or even philanthropists of any minority within education have proved it. So is the lack of diversity within fashion really just PR? Or does the predicament delve into the underlying issues of the evident exploitation of coloured people?

Written by Imaan Chaudhry
Words by Delphine Chui

I couldn’t help but ask ‘what the actual f*ck?’ when I came across amateur porn site ‘girls do porn.’ It openly encourages young women (around 18-early 20s) to volunteer to take part – and these girls are signing up in droves.

And, web look, advice amateur porn can be a good thing if it means ethical, cure consensual and safe real sex had by real people. But, sadly this just isn’t the norm thanks to the instant gratification and disposability that the internet has introduced to the world. In this case, it’s footage of beautiful, ambitious young women putting themselves out there for a sexist and misogynistic ideal. I’m all for sexual liberation but these videos are not that.

In Rashida Jones’ ‘Hot Girls Wanted’ documentary, she highlights young women who see porn as a quick and easy way to become famous. The problem with it is that they’re not only exploiting themselves in this pursuit, they’re also giving a terrible example of what sex is to both boys and girls.

The ‘girls do porn’ videos begin with the girl telling the videographer how many guys they’ve slept with and when the last time they had sex was. Girls, it doesn’t matter if you’ve slept with 0 or 10 or 100 people, this information should not be used for get men off. Then, a naked man (whose face remains off-camera for the duration of the entire video) comes along.

giphy (22)

 

The unequal dynamic of the girl’s identity being exposed while the man is hidden away continues in the sex acts that follow. The girls scream and moan for the performance but that’s all it is: an act. No one’s face looks that contoured and perfect when you’re actually enjoying yourself. In fact, your orgasm face will probably be pretty whack because everyone’s is. And, that’s because part of having an orgasm is relaxing and that doesn’t involve pouting. Your partner will love the faces you make because they will mean you’re in the moment and you’re having fun. Fuck looking “pretty” during sex, feel hot and you will be.

Think about it, the best crying involves that Kim K ugly crying face, right? Sex is just the same. Embrace it.

giphy (24)

These girls look way too “perfect” during sex and it’s because they’re only concerned with their outward appearance rather than what’s going on inside – literally. (Excuse the pun.) Videos like this are completely unrealistic. When it feels really good, sorry, but you’re more going to resemble someone having a seizure than you will a porn star screaming “ohhh yes!” in their best Marilyn Monroe voice. You will moan and groan – and some of them will sound pretty damn sexy – but occasionally you’re going to let out some involuntary banshee sounds too, and that’s totally ok and way more fun tbh.

Videos like ‘girls do porn’ don’t just go against reality but against equality, too. All the actresses perform oral sex on these men but do they receive the same treatment? Nope. If a man won’t go down on you (and you want him to), then hell no, you’re not going to go down on him. Also, take comfort in knowing that it takes the average woman 18 minutes to climax so don’t feel under pressure either. Take your time. Oh, and the majority of women don’t orgasm purely by penetration so don’t be fooled into thinking that that’s necessarily the big finale.

Girls do porn could have been something positive, it could have been the ‘Make love, not porn’ series for the younger generation but sadly, it’s just archaic and demeaning and should be renamed ‘Patriarchy Do Porn’.

giphy (25)

Your sexual awakening isn’t about becoming this ideal of a fantasy which is only as real as pop culture makes it. (Fake news, people.) It should be about learning how to feel pleasure by yourself and with the help of others – and aiding others to do the same in a safe and consensual environment when you’re physically, emotionally and mentally ready.

If educated, consenting young women aren’t demanding respect, equality and realism from the porn world, how can we expect it in real life? The sexiest version of yourself is the one who knows your worth and knows that if one party c*ms, you better c*m too.

That’s why it’s called a party, duh.

giphy-downsized-large

Written by Delphine Chui

Tweet me: @DelphineChui

 

 

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Delphine Chui

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