The key to breaking the cycle is first actually recognizing that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. This is the hardest part. The abuser may be so good at what they do that they manipulate you into thinking you are the problem. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, sildenafil go with it. Emotional trauma can have some nasty, long-lasting effects on the victim. So the sooner you come to terms with reality, the better.
My mistake was ignoring that initial sense that something was off. Things were practically perfect in the beginning but next thing you know, I found myself months deep into an abusive relationship. I truly believed there was something wrong with me and subsequently fell into a depression. I became “crazy”. But you have to remember, a woman is never crazy for no reason; she’s crazy because something drove her to that point. Once I was able to actually pinpoint certain behaviors of my abuser that caused me to be this crazy depressed person, everything began to change. I was able to admit to myself that what was going on was not normal. This actualization is what allowed me to break free from the incessant abuse.
If you are suffering from emotional abuse, it may not be easy to break up with your partner. In fact, you may not realize it but it is possible that this cycle you are in has even become an addiction. It takes a lot of strength to leave and cut off all ties, but I promise you it will be the best decision you have made in the long run. If you finally decide that you have had enough and want to break the abusive cycle for good, here are a few things to keep in mind as you begin your journey towards recovery.
There’s no doubt that it will take some time to undo the damage that has been done. But I cannot stress how important it is to put yourself first. Your happiness has been on hold because you have been constantly put down, lied to, manipulated, degraded, controlled, or even threatened. And all while this is happening, you still manage to give your significant other the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes you even start to blame yourself. Stop. This is not what love is. Get your self-esteem back up and get back in control. Stop worrying about pleasing your abuser. Reclaim reality and reclaim your life by finding ways to make yourself happy again.
Seeking validation is where people get stuck. But I totally get it. You start questioning yourself and your sanity. People around will tell you that your abuser is wrong, but you need to hear it from them yourself. Very rarely will the abuser admit to his or her own faults. Do not drive yourself crazy looking for answers. You will only get more lies and more manipulation.
Gas lighting. The abusers go to tactic. Gas lighting is when the abuser manipulates you into doubting your own memory, perception, or sanity. When your find yourself doubting your thoughts or instincts, try to take a step back and look at the reality of the situation. There is nothing wrong with you. Do not feel like you are any less of a person or that the relationship issues are your fault. The abuser is good at making it seem like you are the problem. You know the truth.
You know your abuser is a liar and has manipulative ways at this point. Simply, don’t entertain the bullshit. You know the way they are treating you is not okay so please, STOP making excuses for their behavior. At times you may think things like “but he/she is really a good person” or “he/she doesn’t mean it” or my personal favorite “I drive him/her crazy too”. These are all excuses. Think about the pain this person has caused you. By making excuses you are downplaying the disrespect and hurtful words/behaviors of your abuser.
Go online and research. Sad to say, but you will discover that you are not alone in the pain you have experienced. However, there’s a certain comfort in knowing that there are people out there that understand exactly what you are feeling because they have gone through it themselves. Read peoples’ stories to learn about the signs and effects of emotional abuse and healthy ways to cope with the pain.
There’s nothing wrong with going to therapy. Don’t let the stigma around mental health services keep you from getting the help you may need. If you are convinced therapy isn’t for you, then at least talk about it with someone you can trust and will listen. And if you are still apprehensive about talking to someone, write. Write about everything you feel and have felt, write about the things you love about life and yourself. You don’t even have to share what you write but it is a great way to organize your thoughts and the chaos that the abuser has stirred up in your mind. And maybe even one day you will be able to share with people who care for you and want to listen. Your abuser probably made you feel like you had nobody else, but you are not alone. Focus on the healthy relationships in your life. If you are able to find and maintain these positive relationships and truly discover how to love yourself , it will make the process of cutting off the abuser much easier.
It will take time to heal. You have to understand this because it takes a lot to not give in when you are having a down day. Despite the constant flux of your emotions, which you cannot control, you are still making progress. When you are having a bad day just look at how far you have come, and how you didn’t think you would be where you are now. There’s a quote that I read while reading up on emotional abuse and it read “Your current situation is not your final destination.” Bad times don’t last. Whether it be emotional abuse or even any other life challenges, whatever you are going through will pass. You have the right to take as much time as you need to build yourself back up again. Spend this time learning how to truly love yourself and maintaining positive healthy relationships in your life.
Written by Corine D
Good piece. There is light at the end of a dark tunnel when it comes to emotional abuse. You think that you’re crazy and it is all your fault. You start doubting every single part of yourself. I recommend therapy. Best thing that I ever did.