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I Am Not My Exes Property

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At the beginning of 2016 I decided I was going to ask for a raise. Sometimes you just have to go for it and take a risk. All that will happen is you become more assertive, website confident and you can build a thicker skin if the answer is no. I asked for a raise and it was granted and then those in higher positions changed that yes to a no. So I thought to myself, approved ‘Am I really going to stay at this job much longer if I know I can be making more money elsewhere?’ Once I answered that question I knew I had to hand in my notice. It was so hard because so many people asked me where I off to next and the answer was honestly nowhere. I took a leap of faith and eventually it did pay off. A few months later I got the job I wanted with the money I initially asked for. However, order the time in between was one of the hardest financial periods of my life.

Although I put some money away and created an emergency fund, I realised that it wasn’t quite enough. Let me tell you, I have never felt so DRY in my life (I’m exaggerating a bit). I literally didn’t really go out and I missed a lot of social events. To some people, it looked as if to say I was being anti-social because I was online a lot. I think some people forget that some people are trying to create a platform for themselves online or some people go online for a sense of escapism. Being online is free, it can be fun and it’s a way to connect with people when you can’t go out. I only went out for a few birthdays of those that were really close to me and apart from that, I stayed at home, a lot.

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One thing I will say is financial hardship prepares you for better days and better decisions when it comes to money. Now I am earning again, I put away a good tidy sum of money and I am also opening up another account. It’s really important that each account has a purpose. Where savings is concerned, look for the highest interest rate for your money. I also have an emergency fund account also along with other accounts that have various uses.

When we are low on money we can think of doing unspeakable things like increasing our overdraft or using that credit card. Push yourself past the point of doing the things that are going to take you longer to get back to financial stability. It’s vital you talk yourself out of bad decisions quickly and stay away from things that push you towards having immediate gratification. We live in a culture of immediate gratification. There are so many things that are available on demand and it can make us feel like we need things we don’t. We can also make the mistake of comparing ourselves to others, especially to people we don’t actually know. We take one factor and use it as an entire measure against ourselves. I’ve known of people who look the flyers but they’ve borrowed copious amounts of money in order to look that way. It’s better to understand our personal priorities without apologising for them or being pressured by the world.

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Becoming disciplined with money means understanding that going to the hair salon or Westfield Shopping Centre is going to have to wait. Having patience means you’ve chosen to prioritise your money and know the difference between a luxury and a necessity. Furthermore, becoming disciplined with money doesn’t mean you won’t slip up. It does mean you can acknowledge your money blunders and do better in the future.

Sometimes my weave may not be on point or my make up may not be on fleek but my money is getting better. I’ll give up a few moments of image for better financial bliss any day.

This post was written by Bola Sol who is the founder of Refined Currency (hyperlink: www.refinedcurrency.co.uk) a website that helps women understand their finances in a better way.

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Lets face it, viagra 40mg regardless of how long you have been in a relationship with someone, search a break up is always hard. Some are harder than others, of course various factors affect that. But lets not get into that. If you have ever had a breakup (yes, including that two week crush) you will agree a break up is hard enough, and there is no need for the added extra headache people like to add on top of it. 

Let me tell you a little story. I dated a guy for 7 years, we lived together, we were in love, it was great, we had the same hobbies blah blah blahhhhh, I am sure you get the picture. But wait, he wasn’t just a regular guy, he was a whole different type of guy. The type of guy people would recognise in the streets from social media, fashion blogs and so forth. Yeah you know exactly which one I mean! Anyway, I was okay with that, he worked hard to put his name out there, just as I did (and I make a point of this because we were both working on establishing ourselves and our careers  before we were together).

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I never saw this as a bad thing, working in the same industry as him and living the same lifestyle. We were very open about our relationship, and why the hell would we not be, we live in the social media age, and being happy is not something you should think twice about sharing. We would document our wonderful memories on our social media platforms and never thought twice about it. But now, I think back and question whether I would do it again, because what followed after the breakup made me question what I am willing to share online again.

The more we shared online, the more people had to say on our relationship; which is fair enough, people will always have an opinion. But 2 years on from the breakup, I am still having to remind people I am not my ex’s property. The first point of conversation usually tends to be ‘oh you’re *******’s ex…”- At first it was somewhat normal people would ask, but two years on? That’s just ridiculous.

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Women are always seen as ‘the ex of so and so’, and usually it make matters worse when the guy is well known. Look at Amber Rose and Ciara, they are still forever reminded of whom they once dated, which brings me to my next point. Why are women’s identities are always attached to a man? Women who are talented, smart and have started an empire for themselves are always being dragged down by their past. We are not defined by the men we once dated!

It’s as though a woman did not have a name before the man she dated. But she did, she does, I did and I do! I am not my ex’s property. In fact I am no one’s property!

Written by Payzee Mahmod

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