Kill me. As a victim of domestic violence I spoke these words into existence, carefully carving them into my subconscious for three whole years. Rewiring my brain to believe that death would be my only exit from abuse, I longed for an end. Not just any end, but the most fatal of its kind. Towards the cusp of those traumatic years, my abuser finally accepted my offering, and threatened to kill me. This type of langue was common for us as a couple, and I had received these crippling threats before. However, this was the time in which all things stopped, because this time, he was out for blood.
Though just a glimpse at what transpires in abusive relationships, this type of distress is so commonplace. One in three relationships suffer from physical and sexual abuse. How astounding is that? A third of our loved ones experience this vile conflict and very few either realize the tumultuous nature they are in or understand how to speak up. Additionally, even when the abuse ends and salvation can be tasted, the horrors continue; haunting you for days, years, decades even.
The day I declared a stance on my abuse my whole world fell apart. What I thought to be normalcy and love crumbled before my very eyes. Granted nothing about what I experienced was loving or normal, but it was mine. It was a compilation of personalized experience, and emotion, and learnings. Yet, the biggest regret was not seeing this path of destruction earlier. The signs and symptoms were there indefinitely, but I never registered them as negative due to my largely oppressive and mentally abusive childhood. More than 50% of men and women who suffer from sexual/physical abuse first encountered this trauma between the ages of 11-24. Not only did this repulse me, it awakened me.
It has taken some odd 2556 days to acknowledge and accept my past, 2556 days to sit down and write this out, and 2556 days to share with you that I was once a sufferer, now turned a survivor. My purpose in all this is to make abuse feel relatable and common. Once we realize that most humans suffer abusive trauma in one way or another, we can make it a visible topic of discussion. Abuse is like the bones hidden in a closet, and it is up to us to uncover them and lay them for display. Only then, will we be able to heal all those who are the one in three statistic. If ever in need know that support is in all directions, and you are brave enough to reach out for it.
Written by Brittni Alahmar