I hate to say it as a young woman but Bridget Jones is definitely a film I have watched numerous times. I was sat watching part of a re-run last night with a large glass of Merlot and dairy free ice cream – not quite as glam as Haagen Dasz but I’m sadly lactose intolerant.
ANYWAY- diversion. I came to the conclusion that chick flicks and programmes like Bridget Jones, Girls, Legally Blonde and anything exhibiting a single woman quite often portray her in such a pitiful manner.
I feel as though this really betrays feminism. Why does there need to be negative stigma around a female spending time on her own and why must alone time only be for the single woman? Me being single and me spending time with myself are not two things which must coexist. It isn’t bad to be in your own company, whether you have a man/woman to call your own or not.
It’s suggested we must wallow in self pity during any alone time, dwelling on every partner or friendship that went wrong in a hormonal state and crying into whatever food we’re binging on. Wrong, this is SO wrong. It isn’t healthy for us physically, emotionally and mentally to have this relationship with ourselves.
Firstly, your own company is more than adequate. You as an individual should be confident enough in yourself to spend however much time you wish with whom you wish just as much as choosing to be alone for an evening. It’s self care in its greatest form and if you don’t do it, I honestly believe you’re in danger of not looking after yourself sufficiently.
It’s so healthy to have time put aside where you can indulge in your own company whether that be belting out Ashanti and the Arctic Monkeys on a Sunday morning, meditation, a movie night, the gym, a meal out, going to the cinema… all of these things I have done just by myself and yes I love being around friends, family and boyfriends but some experiences should be enough with just yourself. In some cases, things can be better when experienced solo. Try a movie without someone talking to you throughout it, or being able to browse insta whilst having a meal and not feeling rude. Revolutionary!
You have to be able to see the benefits in not always being surrounded by people. Just because I enjoy a Netflix marathon, having a large dessert in front of me or going for coffee solo this does not make me a sad individual who is desolate and depressed. I’m lucky to have friends and family who have this approach too. I have never been made to feel desperate and miserable for choosing to do my own thing. I was never told that being alone was a bad thing. What is this idea that having time on your own is sad?! Everyone should relish it.
If anything, going through adversity such as grievances, break-ups, stress… these are the times you should be finding the right kind of company and making the effort to be around other people. However, it should always be a routine whether you’re single, in a relationship, married or just in that hoe phase, you know… That way it’s something you can find comfort in. You will get to know yourself better so that when you are struck with a shit situation you can approach it in the best way for you.
I love coming home after working or being in the studio at uni and choosing what I want to do in the evening, not having to consult anyone or make plans and just catching up with myself. I am sociable and can chat for the whole of the Commonwealth, trust me, but anyone who forces social activity upon themselves to avoid being “alone,” please stop. Your friends, family and partner can still fit into your schedule and they shouldn’t take it personally. If someone makes you feel guilty for having “you time,” tell them they should try it first before vocalising bullshit.
You don’t have to rely on other people for a good time. You are more than enough.
Written By Jessamy Mattinson
Very well said and written, exactly how i feel.