You don’t know pain until a great guy breaks up with you because you don’t want to have sex with him (or anyone really), and maybe he wasn’t that great or maybe you know this kind of hurt, sildenafil but that’s not the point. I spent ages after that incident trying to figure out what was wrong with me, page if I was damaged or a lesbian. It all pointed back to the same thing; I DID NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE, but I didn’t know there was an actual term/orientation for that. It wasn’t after months of research and trying to see if there were other people like me that I stumbled onto AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. There was a line at the top of the website that made everything start to come together for me.
It was like finding something so important, suddenly there’s this word that could explain everything I couldn’t and it made me know I wasn’t damaged and that there were others like me.
In a generation that is so open about sex and sexuality, the grey areas never really get talked about. Trying to explain being asexual, but also bi-romantic is almost like someone explaining calculus and its functions to me. It’s hard. The first time I confided in someone about possibly being asexual, he made it about him and said; “you could have just said you didn’t want to sleep with me”. I was flabbergasted. Being asexual does not mean one’s a pride and it does not mean abstinence or celibacy either. Celibacy or abstinence are choices and decisions that people make, asexuality doesn’t give you that choice. Being asexual means you feel no sexual attraction to other people. Whenever I go a step further to say that I am bi-romantic, people get so confused and therein lies the problem. People reduce everything to sex; Re: Homosexuality. Homophobes never think about same sex people being in love, it all boils down to sex for them; “seeing two men fuck is disgusting” so why are you watching two men fuck then? Why are you that pressed about someone else’s sex life?
The funny thing is there are asexual gay, bi, lesbian and transgender people. I am bi-romantic; I like boys and girls, I just don’t want to have sex with them. I can do romantic relationships with people, I can even have sex with people if I decide to, after all my vagina still works. It’s just I don’t feel the need to. Some asexual people have sex drives and experience arousal, some masturbate while some don’t. Those activities are independent of actually wanting to have sex with people. There are times that I have been made to feel guilty because I’m sex positive or that I masturbate. Certain people feel like I shouldn’t label myself asexual because I don’t think sex is inherently disgusting. The truth is the only thing asexuals have in common is the lack of sexual attraction to people. There are no rules to this, we just know what we experience and what we don’t. There are other labels under the asexuality umbrella such as gray-sexuality and to some extent demi-sexuality.
There needs to be more visibility for the asexual community and more open and honest conversations about asexuality. If we don’t fully understand ourselves, communication becomes a hassle. I cannot count the number of times I’ve been told that ‘this is just a phase’ or ‘you haven’t found the right person yet’ or ‘it’s because no one has made you cum’. Those are really ignorant things to say and they do nothing for me other than derail the fact that asexuality is a thing.
Tomi, sildenafil Tomi, Tomi
You are what happens when platform, fear-mongering and the “right” features create the perfect storm.
You’ve obviously been an ambitious young woman, having hosted and associate produced for your university’s political show, The Scramble. You then followed that up by interning for a Republican congresswoman in your hometown of South Dakota. Pretty par for the course stuff.
I’d imagine you were thrilled when you went in for an interview in San Diego and got offered your own show in 2014. Nothing like a good All-American story. Hometown girl pulls herself up by her theoretical bootstraps and makes it big in a big city with her own show. You lucked up. You live in the day and age where social media is a helpful tool in furthering just about anything you want it to. The internet loves viral sensations and you were just that after your words at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference and after the Chattanooga shootings, both in 2015.
You likened the Black Lives Matter movement to the KKK
You were then offered a position in Texas where you found your niche calling in three-minute hot takes at the end of your new show, where you were free to talk about any and everything. More like rant, but what are semantics when you’re pushing an agenda, right?
Now, in the ever-timely words of grandparents everywhere; God don’t like ugly.
You likened the Black Lives Matter movement to the KKK. For the uninformed (you), Black Lives Matter is simply bringing the police and justice system of this country to accountability in how the police interact with communities of color. Not like you could relate or anything, but there are people in this country that would like to not run the risk of dying for no reason other than coming across a trigger-happy cop. I also don’t know if you knew, but like, the KKK has a history of murdering people, burning crosses into lawns, destroying property and the list goes on. They only look to recruit a certain type of person: white. Those are some pretty terrorist group type things to me, but they’re white so it fits. Right?
Or that time you loudly and proudly called fleeing refugees “rape-ugees,” when white men aged 18-25 on spring break, or anywhere really, can also fit that title to a well-fitted gym T. They invade whatever tourist spot is hot south of the border, (that you want a wall to be built to separate btw- where will all those boys go? Hm. Ironic.) where they litter, harass and oh yes, rape. The actual refugees are people are FLEEING from war torn countries, looking for safety and a place to care for their families. But what you decided to rant to your core audience, (not that they needed much coaching after centuries of racism in this country) was “not white, not alright”. We’re seeing the pattern here. Oh well. It could’ve all been so simple, but you decided to be racist.
One thing about living in the digital age, especially when you want to be in the public eye: receipts are only a click away. It truly didn’t even have to be all of this. You saw an opportunity and you stepped on the backs of millions of people in the process. Then you messed up.
Now see, all the people you offended knew that eventually you’d put your foot in your mouth to the point that you would step on your own audiences toes. You’ve already pissed just about everyone else off. Feeling quite chilly now are we there, snowflake? Ironically it was because you admitted that you were pro-choice (probably the most logical thing you’ve ever come out with). Sure, they slapped your hands and suspended you for a week and you’ve lost your position at your current soapbox but we all know one of the bigger fish in the pool will scoop you up. You are still a necessary mouthpiece to keep the target audience riled up and parroting and well… society seems to love astounding mediocrity when it fits the look they’re going for. Simple and sad fact.
Now you? You’re on twitter asking for understanding on your personal beliefs and views when you didn’t allow that for any of the groups you verbally tore down. I live for the irony of it all. To fix this media storm, you may even double down on your inflammatory speech and bigoted messages, but your main audience? They now see what everyone else sees in you. They know you’re not fully one of theirs and you can’t be trusted, because if you could disagree with them on one of their bigger talking points- what else will you disagree with them about?
Your winter is coming and I’m hard pressed to say that too many people will be feeling sorry for you. Seasons are changing.
Written by Aubri Elle