I am 19 years old, and I have never been in a relationship nor have I had my first kiss (You’re probably reading the first sentence over again to make sure your eyes read that right, and you did; yes nineteen years old). Up until recently, I was beyond embarrassed because of this. I felt like a freak of nature. Most people knock their first kiss out in middle school, and by my age at least have one ex to hate.
However, late last night I was scrolling through my Instagram feed when I seen a childhood friend posts a video about being single. She talked about how she was 17 while being in the same situation as me, and at the end of the video, she said, “Be patient, and wait on that one.” Her video and message brought an enormous amount of comfort; it helped me realize that I am not the only being called a “late bloomer” in this world, and it also restored my confidence in not settling. Realizing the impact it left on me, I felt inspired to share my story with the hopes of helping other girls in the same situation know that they are not alone as well.
Growing up, I was always the awkward, shy one in my friend group. In elementary school, while my friends received the love notes, I was the one passing them along. Nothing changed for me in middle school. While they were out experiencing their first dates, I was at home having Disney movie marathons with my mom (which I don’t regret). High school came, and I was confident things would finally happen, but I was wrong. I graduated with the accomplishments of: going to every dance single, remaining first-dateless, and still having virgin lips. When I reached college, the word embarrassed gave no justice to how I felt. While the people around me had long lost their virginities, not to mention became engaged and/or pregnant, I was as romantically experienced as my nine year old cousin (probably less). I was 100% positive something was wrong with me. When asked about my love life by others outside of my best friends, I would lie and say, “I just got out of a long relationship” or “I’m talking to someone right now, but it’s nothing serious.” I started to feel like I was not good enough. Everyone around me had someone while I was completely alone. By this point, I just wanted to get everything over with. I felt like I was behind, and I needed to catch up.
However, watching MiKayla’s video helped me realize the exact opposite. I am not alone in my situation nor do I need to “catch up” to anyone. After googling “virgin lips”, I realized that there were literally thousands of girls across the world in the same exact situation, but I was unaware of it. Before MiKayla, I had never seen or heard anyone openly talk about it, and that is where the problem lays. Girls begin to feel weird and less than enough because we think we are alone, but that is far from the truth. We have to start being more vulnerable by opening up and sharing our stories, so we can support and comfort each other. By doing this, we can assure one another that there is nothing to be ashamed of. If we don’t, it can lead to us rushing into relationships or being pressured into certain situations. Things like this are the exact reason for the creation of LAPP, to create a safe, inclusive community for women to voice their stories and connect with each other. The more openly we speak out about being single since birth or having “virgin lips”, the more we can help each other out.
So if you have yet to experience your first relationship or kiss, don’t fret. You are not abnormal. You are beautiful and deserve the world, so do not feel pressured to settle or the need to “catch up”, and most importantly, know that you are not alone. Talk about your situation more openly, share your story, and use projects like LAPP to your advantage. There are thousands of girls across the world that are just as inexperienced in the relationship department as you are, like me. It will happen when it happens, but until then we can be confident and single together!
Written by Nia Quinn
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m 21 and this has always been something I’ve been embarrassed about to this day. Even my parents ask me constantly when I visit home from uni ‘so… have you met any guys’. 🙄 I used to think perhaps there was something wrong with me but reading this and knowing that other girls are in the same boat bring great relief. As a Christian, I’m hopeful that God has a partner for each and everyone of us, we just have to be patient. Thanks again
I really do hope you know how much this post is appreciated. I’m 20 years old myself, and am still wondering how it feels like to be in a relationship ( let alone have my first kiss). There are times where I’m still wondering if I’m doing something wrong, but this post right here, is a great reminder. I’m not the only one, nor will I ever be.
Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for writing this. I’ve been thinking about this recently and I just want you to know that we are in the same situation, we even also share our age, labels and college situation. Like you perfectly said I also felt like I was the outsider of all my group friends since they started hanging out with someone. First of all, I think that since we are very young society teach us (girls) what we should do and what we shouldn’t If we want to have a partner. That’s completely wrong because to be happy you don’t have to have a bold with anyone. When I was a teenager it made me feel ashamed and not valid enough even growing insecurities on myself when I tried to know someone I fancied. But lately I realized that is nothing wrong about inexperience, it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s not that I don’t enjoy when someone that fancies me compliments me or that I don’t enjoy meeting someone new. What it’s wrong with being able to choose what you want to do and what you don’t? It’s an expression of liberty. Fighting with that virginity label is also exhausting, it makes you feel so damn weird. People even starts to question your sexuality. I’ve faced a lot of pressures to get rid of it. A male classmate of high school told me once laughing at me that I would be virgin until I reach the age of 25. A female classmate of college told me once that I should hurry up to get rid of ‘virginity’. At those moments that comments (like many more that someone told me once) hurt me, but now I laugh at them. I don’t need nobody other than myself right now and that’s something I should embrace. Remember A L W A Y S we are valid enough even If we never kissed anyone or If we never had sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us girls.
I am turning 21 in February and no first kiss , no boyfriend and I was starting to think something is wrong with me lol …It takes posts like these to make me realise that I am alone , thank you !
Meant to say not alone !
Thank you so much for this post❤️
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